A Garden of Love

It all started with a photo,

one click and you were through.

One date, two date,

even then, I kind of knew.

This love that we have grown,

tended to,

thoughtfully sown,

it’s sweetness drips like honey,

it’s fragrance like nectar flowing on a spring breeze.

When I look at our photos,

my heart soars.

My face beams like the moon,

reflecting the warmth of the sun.

I feel like a flower,

blooming in ways I didn’t know I could.

Stretching, sinking into deeper depths,

new comfort in my skin.

With you by my side,

how could I not win.

Babe,

you are something special,

and we are just beginning,

let’s see how our garden of love grows.

Spring Break 2022

Below is a poem I wrote while winding through the hills of California on my way to Santa Barbara, on the train. Train trips are these spaces of magic, where the people around you become your community, a microcosm of the good in the world.

On this trip I was interested to see the old telephone wires with their glass caps to prevent electricity burning up the telephone poles. I saw a whale slowly gliding through the waves on the most beautiful stretch of coast, colored with succulents in full bloom. I saw a huge prison and tiny people. I saw artichokes growing freely with cows spread sparsely through the gentle hills.

I finished reading two books. I got a love note. My flip phone was stolen and my neighbors turned into a detective troop to try, in vain, to get it back. I heard the stories of a woman who went to live with and care for her aging father in Mexico and consequently became the leader of an avocado orchard. I met a badass principal who was going back into the classroom to teach second graders. I had an unrequited crush on her brother and imagined what my life would be like if I was bold, or if my life was a romance film.

Big love to my Lola, who would plan our summer travels to include train rides and instilled in me the love of traveling, of connecting with strangers, and riding the Amtrak. 

I’ve been doing a lot of dreaming lately,

thoughts wandering,

mind wondering,

thinking of what’s to come.

Will I wake up next to you

in the San Joaquin Valley?

Lemon trees growing along the 

fence line,

that separates pasture from pasture.

Citrus so plump and lush,

branches bend

and a tangy scent dances in the breeze.

Will I squat down next to you,

with a garden rake in hand,

caring for the rows and rows

of tender shoots

pushing past the red, dusty earth

reaching towards and

unraveling in the sun.

Or will I just keep to dreaming,

scenes passing

this train I’m on singing,

giving me glimpses 

of an infinite variety

of the choices that this world has

to offer.

Gently Giving In

Textures and lines,
a time capsule for where I’ve been. 
The reflective surface encouraging me deeper;
into loving,
into seeing,
into letting go.

My natural bent is towards holding on,
gripping control,
wrapping myself in a protective shell.
Immovable,
yet careening towards burnout.

So I allow myself to get softer as time moves on.
Like the earth and how it’s shaped,
even with mere trickles running across it.
Worn down;
but not in the way we think.
Worn down does not equal exhausted.
It’s more of a giving way to life,
and people,
and unknowns.

Gently giving in,
and being shaped,
by the beauty held in every magical moment.

Eastern Shoshone, Cheyenne, Crow, Cayuse, Umatilla, and Walla Walla land

Melting Heart

If my heart was a candle,

could you feel its warmth through a hug?

If my heart was a candle,

could you use its light to get through the difficult days?

If my heart was a candle,

could you keep it from getting extinguished?

If my soul was a candle,

could you see the wonder of God?

If my soul was a candle,

could you encourage my flame to grow?

If my soul was a candle,

could you be there when I am running low?

If my mind was a candle,

could you handle my racing thoughts, going all different directions?

If my mind was a candle,

could you be like a kid exploring melted wax, engaging with and poking me to think deeper?

If my mind was a candle,

could you celebrate when I am shining?

…………………

If my heart was a candle, I would give it to you.

If I was a candle, I would melt into you.

Stormy Day Psalm 12/02/16

Jesus you have delivered me,

I walk in freedom recognizing that I am fully known and absolutely cherished by you.

You meet me and provide for every small and seemingly insignificant detail in my life.

Because of this I look to the galaxies of intricately placed stars that shine your glory.

I praise you for your creation and your thick presence that touches every inch of this hurting world.

Lord, your goodness is everlasting.

Jesus, compel me to take this joy from you and make it tangible for other people.

Let me run to you first.

Let my every thought and plan be submitted to your thoughtful and perfect will.

Let me praise your name into your eternal sanctuary, where I will be forever united to you.

Know my thoughts and compel me to action.

Thank you for your grace, 

Creator God.

Fall Means / Poem From Autumn College Days

Fall means

Falling down,

Picking up the pieces,

Oh, there are so many pieces.

I will lay here on the colorful quilt that they make.

Comforting familiarity,

The pain of loss,

The memories locked in beauty and wonder,

Of sadness.

But as short days turn into a bustle of new growth,

I will stash these away,

Until next year.

And I will remember a new iteration,

Sprawling out in groves.